The wish to destroy

The wish to destroy turns inward:
I destroy myself!
And you who are close to me,
bruised by my words
like a tender flower
crushed between finger and thumb

Obliterate, destroy
Anything to not feel
some deeply buried pain

I vow to unearth you
from the deepest recesses of my psyche
I will pull you into blinding daylight:
The anguish that ricochets out
to wound another in its place.

Destroying you: Sister, brother, lover, child of mine
I destroy myself and stay loyal to my darkest shame
Cherishing you: I cherish myself
And in doing so, I forge a new path:
a neural network of radical self-forgiveness.
Holding, cherishing and affirming
that I have the right to breathe
the right to be alive on this planet, in this body
that I belong, utterly
that I am loved into being by the universe itself.