Half-hearted

Half a life
Half-hearted
Half here,
but only half…
If I look around
I see engagement, busyness and purpose on the one hand;
And people living on the shores of life, on the other.
Many people
that I know
live out their lives
on these shores.
Washed up by the tide,
out of the current,
eking out some kind of existence:
Not much money
Not much health
Not much fun
Not much, not much

And I am drawn to these shores
I am, if you like, one of them.
Or rather, not quite, but
half-in, half-out;
one foot in the water, one foot on the shore
and hesitating

It’s not a happy place
Lacking commitment
If someone could just do it for me somehow
And they can’t

Here I am –
This one life.
Opportunity
to be wholehearted
for once

Who could I do this for?
For you Daniel, to show the way?
For you Martin?
I’d rather point to the speck in your eye
and call it a beam.
Or for you, Mother?
You who live in me,
deep in my heart,
enfolded in warmth.
Far, far from the treacherous water
that took your Father away.